e H: What if things don’t work out, then how does one handle that? Chansky: Remember that you can’t control the outcome of a date.
You can’t guarantee that it will be great and…importantly…that’s not a reflection on you. The other person has responsibility for the chemistry too.
People who suffer from anxiety may have more frequent anxious thoughts, or more extreme catastrophic outcomes in mind, but the solution is the same either way and it’s all about what expectations you have for dating. It won’t jinx you if you let go of the big goal, quite the opposite: it will free you up to be present, pay attention and enjoy. Whereas the facts sound like this: I have interests, I have things to talk about that I care about. Think of it as the New York Times covering your date rather than The National Enquirer.
For me, one who struggles with social anxiety, dating can be a difficult process.
I was in and out of school since sixth Every time my depression hit just a little harder, I’d let it hit me to the ground. The day came when I was tired of feeling like this, letting my illness rule me, letting my illness drive me down a deep dark hole I felt I couldn’t get out of. With residential treatment, I learned not to avoid.
If something made me anxious, like that crowded mall, I was going to go “expose” myself to that anxiety until it got better.
When people tell me this predictable speech about how “everyone feels this way,” I want to press a big red button that immediately magic-school-busses them into my brain. This idea of toughening up and just dealing with shit is nearly-if-not-completely impossible if your body is in extreme discomfort, and almost-if-not-completely in a state of pure panic. I was in a comfortable, boring relationship before that for seven years (and before that?
Nothing, less than nothing), and it ended like most of my confrontations do, through email.